I will never be accepted by James’ dad and step mom. If I ever do, then praise the Lord, but if I don’t then so be it. I accept it. Not everyone will love you or like you. I understand why they don’t like me, because it’s some of the same reasons why I don’t even like myself. No car, no stable job, not even going to school (yet). I beat myself up for it a lot of time and I don’t need to hear it from anyone else, because I’m working on it. They have to learn that is not who I am. What I have or what I don’t have does not define who I am, neither does what I do or what I don’t do. Numerous times I’ve thought about breaking it off with him, the man I truly love, because I thought he deserve so much better. Trust me, he does, but if he didn’t love me, he would not be here with me exactly a year and two months yesterday. I honestly think that they think I’m in the relationship for James’ money. Pfft. Trust me, that is not what I want. I make my own money no matter how small it is, it’s mine. I don’t ask him for a penny. I love their son with all my heart and soul. I would do absolutely anything for him. I don’t understand why they can see that. Oh, well. What can I do?
I know I worry a lot, but that’s only because I think a lot and play out these scenarios in my head. You don’t seem like you care that much about what happens. If you do, you don’t speak of it.. you don’t speak of any serious matters.. You need to take time and figure out things.. And so do I.
After working with very rude customers Saturday, I hung out with my James and one of my best friends, Brianna. We were going to go to a hookah lounge, but after 9pm people under 21 couldn’t get in, and Brianna is 20 and I got off at 9pm. We decided to go to another hookah bar close to the ocean front then decided to go to PeaBody’s. When we parked, James locked his keys in his truck and of course he’s upset. James and Brianna was on the phone with the Pop-A-Lock lady for about 20+ minutes. James got irritated with her real quick because she barely understand where we were and what he was saying, so Brianna had to take over. After half an hour, the guy came and opened the door then we were on our way! Yay! When we walked to PeaBody’s, there was a long line, so we walked across the street to Shaka’s. We got upstairs and danced and drank for a while. Brianna got wasted and made out with a guy there that was a douche bag, but who hasn’t? Haha. We left the club and we met a guy named Stevin, or something like that. We all hung out and Brianna and Stevin were flirting and making out and exchanged numbers. Yay! After a while, we left and Brianna threw up on the way home. It happens to the best of us. She forgot her shoes and money in the truck though. Although I had to babysit her majority of the night, I had fun just being with her. She can hardly get out and I always enjoy time with her. When James and I dropped her off, we went back to my place and made amazing love and fell asleep.
Sunday morning, James and I woke up around 9am and went for breakfast at IHOP. After breakfast, we went back to the barracks and took a nap. It was nice. We just goofed off, played games, watched a movie, made love, just enjoyed being with each other. He tried to make us burgers, but he didn’t cook them all the way. Too bad, because it smelled amazing! He cooks it with ole bay and I need to try that. After that fail, he ordered pizza. Still good. On the way him, he told me he had fun this weekend and it made me smile. I’m really glad that he enjoyed himself.
I work 37 hours this week and when I get the check, I plan on taking him to somewhere special or getting him something special. I want to show him that I appreciate everything that he does for me. I haven’t been able to take him out in the last few weeks and I feel bad about it. I don’t think anyone truly understands how much love I have for him.
I have decided to go back to school. I should have started sooner, but I didn’t. It was partially my fault. I tried to go last year and all I needed to complete everything was a notarized letter from my mom, but she kept on putting it off and it was too late. I kept on reminding her, too. I kind of gave up after that, so that’s my fault right there. Now I realize that I need to go. I love to help people with the best of my ability, so I want to major in hospitality. I couldn’t think of another major that will make happy. I was thinking about either helping with kids or the elderly, but I’m not sure yet. I’ll figure it out.
I don’t think a lot of people understand how much love that I have for this guy. No other guys have made me feel so special, so beautiful. Not only does he tell me I’m beautiful everyday, he shows me. He tells me in the way he looks at me, the way he kisses me, the way we make love, when he sends me pictures or quotes that reminds him of me. There’s so many ways that he shows me. Although, we have gotten into plenty of arguments, I know that I’m very blessed to have him in my life. I don’t see myself with anyone else but him. I hope he knows that I love him unconditionally. He’s a good man. That’s rare to find nowadays.
I love you, James Miller.
Forever and always, baby. Remember that.
It’s hard to build, but easy to destroy..
How lovely is it to have someone to talk to at odd hours of the night?
How lovely is it to know someone will be there?
How lovely is it to just receive and give a hug?
How lovely is it to smile at one another?
How lovely is it to have someone to talk to about anything?
How lovely is it to just hold hands?
How lovely is it to have someone who won’t give up on you no matter how hard it gets?
How lovely is it to have someone who forgives you?
How lovely is it to wake up to that special person in the morning?
How lovely is it to be loved and to love?