I have left the KFC/Taco Bell that I’ve briefly worked at for a baking job. I no longer dread waking up and trying to find reasons not to go in and work. But now I get excited to work! I’m excited to learn more and become better and faster at what I do. The plus side is that I get paid every Friday and have more days and hours and they don’t talk to me or treat me like I’m stupid.
I moved in with my wonderful boyfriend and enjoying it, excluding the first night, for certain reasons. Things are moving forward with us and became very serious. Being with him makes me want to become a better person just for myself and I’m internally grateful for that.
I’m, for the first time in a while, looking forward to see tomorrow. I’m no longer wanting to harm myself and looking towards the future (with James in it, I hope). It’s like all the negative things I have thought about myself and the suicide thoughts have disappeared, and I’m relieved. But I still have the “if I happen to just die, I’ll be okay with that” mind set. I’ve accepted death a long time ago, and still do. I have overcome what has happened to me, but I will never forget.
I still may not be where I’m suppose to be, but I’m further than where I was.
The Foegelle, Lambert, and Simpson/Demma/Talcott family.
You guys were always there when I needed someone the most. I always thought that you guys were family and you all definitely did not make me think other wise. Whenever I had problems with my family or anything with my life, you guys were always there to lend an ear or have me stay the night and we would talk about everything and drink a little and just laugh. I appreciate every single one of y’all and I don’t know where I would be without your kind words and actions. I love you guys!
I’m so excited to learn more!!!!!
It’s almost been a year since I created this blog. HOORAY! It has been a hectic ride since the beginning. Break ups, deaths, depressions, traveling, new experiences, love, and the list can go on and on. But, at this moment, I’m happy. Well, like 80% happy. Let me explain. AHEM!
I can’t move forward in my life because of certain issues. Can’t go to college because I need a notarize letter from the bank on my parent’s account to show that I’m doing everything on my own. They don’t have time to do because they work up to 14-16 hours a day and barely have days off. We might get foreclosed on, so I don’t know what’s going to happen now. Most of my money goes to my parents and for me to live. I can’t save up for a car for this purpose. People look down on me because of what I don’t have. What about what I do have and what I do for other people? It’s funny how people never look for the positive, just the negative.
My dog died a couple weeks ago and that really effected me. I had him for 16 years. I don’t remember a day without that happy pup. He was a huge part of the family and not to have him around anymore is heartbreaking. I have to move on before I start crying again. Hah…
Anyways, James and I have been having some serious arguments and it’s both of our faults. They happen. We move on from it. We love each other way too much to completely move on from each other. Whenever we say that we’re done with one another, the other person comes crawling back. I mean, hey, shit happens, right? Every couple fights and argues. He’s taking me to Captain George’s for my birthday. I took him there one day and he loved it, so I think it’s a treat for the both of us. He’ll be staying over my house the whole weekend, so just him doing that is good enough for me. After a month of not seeing each other, I just want to lay in bed with him and connect again. I love him. That MF.
I just got back from Texas a few days ago and it was hot as hell down there! I’m glad that I could experience different dining places, go to Six Flags, meet new people, just see new things! If I do plan on moving down there I need to find a job quick and bring my cat. I would have to really think about it.
Well, that was a small update on what has been going on with me! It’s 5:11am and need some sleep. Goodnight!
You know, I never in my 21 years of living been a bad person. Always did what my parents told me, checked in, didn’t pop pills or do drugs (weed doesn’t count, and if it did I did it probably once or twice a year on really stressed out days), never cursed around or to them out anything, volunteered, helped friends move, helped boyfriends move, etc. But why does my dad hate me? He bitches about if I leave the kitchen a little messy, but I need to go to work. Am I suppose to be late and get bitched out at work and possibly fired? Not going to happen. He barely acknowledges me. It’s like he avoids me. Idk. He refuses to help with things when I ask. He says I’m not an adult. I’ve always done what was needed to be done before I went to have fun. I know people that do cocaine, Molly, oxy, perkz, steal, rob houses, yell at their parents and curse them out, and so much more. I don’t hang around people like that anymore for those reasons. But why does he hate me? I try to talk to my mom about this, but she’s too busy talking on the phone with friends and gives me the “one minute” finger. My brother only calls me names and flicks me off. I only get along with my sister. I can only really talk to her. I don’t feel a connection at all with anyone else. It’s sad. My parents always said that family is suppose to be tight, but it’s not like that anymore. Sigh. It is what it is, I suppose.
I guess it’s my time to enjoy my youth. Go partying, drink more, have sex (probably not, though. My heart still belongs to someone 💘), flirt, just have a good time. I’m done having my heart broken, anyways! I’ve been upset and stressing about everything and everyone that I’m ready to just worry about me. Fuck everyone else! It’s just me, myself and I! This girl isn’t answering to anyone anymore.
Let’s get one thing right. I can be a real bitch if you want me to. I was trying to be nice, but no more. I barely spoke to you and you’re already like this? Come on, now! I tell you how I met your man with James and our friend, Nika, going to a stock car race. You tell Louie that I said that he went on a date to the race? What the hell is your problem?! I never said anything about a date, because there was never one! And now Louie is saying “you shouldn’t have said anything in the first place”. Bitch, I just said how I met you and who I was with. He knows I could have said something WAY worse that what you heard from her, so why are you believing that shit?! Think about it, dumbass. But you know, I’m wrong in this case. I’m too old for this “he said, she said” shit. It’s one pet peeve that I hate. I hate when people lie about what I said or twist my words around. Hate that shit. It’s disrespectful. If you asked me if I said this or that and it was true, I’ll own up to it. But it’s none of my business. I’m just going to stay in my room and shut the fuck up.
I can’t hold on any longer.