I really, really don’t care if I live or die. Never did. I’ve always thought that everyone would be better off without me. I’m just so pathetic.
I’m going to go get my permit when I get paid again and I’m going to find another job once the holidays are over with.
There’s so many things that I’m grateful for
- My family (They worry about me all the time, they say)
- My boyfriend (I love him more than he imagines)
- My close friends (They love me more than I imagine)
- My pets (They’re my babies)
- The material things I have (My laptop and phone)
I am very grateful for everyone and everything that I have, but I have been miserable for about a day and a half. Once dinner was over today, I went upstairs to my room and cried and slept all day. My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas and my dad asked “baking supplies, right?” and I told them that I don’t care about it anymore. And I really don’t. My mom made a deal about buying cat food yesterday and I told her not to buy it in the first place then she said that she buys everything in the house for us, snapping, apparently. I said that I barely ask her to buy anything, and she said “you asked me to pay to get your hair done”. I told her to forget it. I’ll pay to get it done. I have been all year, so sorry that I asked for a little help.
I don’t feel like going to work tomorrow. It’s going to be insane with all those customer. Please remember to be nice to the employees where you shop or get food. It’s one of the crazies day and weekend of the year and none of us want to be there as is, so please don’t make it hard for us. Have fun and get what you need and want, though! Just remember to be kind and have patience.
I’m a horrible daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend, worker, pet owner, everything. I’m just a horrible person. I don’t deserve anything or to be in this world. I’m not an important at all.
There were so many times that I let things slide at work. There’s so many times that my schedule changed on me and I didn’t say anything or something has been said in a “joking” way and I kept my mouth shield to keep from confrontation. Last Saturday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was suppose to work Saturday evening 4pm to 9pm. I changed into the bathroom nearby and when I came out, one of my managers was there to use it. She informs me that I was suppose to be at work at 11am. I looked at her with confusion and told her that I started at 4. She continues to tell me that our General Manager, not saying any names, changed the schedule so I would trade times with someone else on Tuesday. I tell her that I wasn’t told that and said that I was going to ask what’s going on. So I walked inside work, everyone looking at me like “what happened?”, and I asked with the GM was and they tell me up front taking orders. I walked up and I asked “So what’s going on now?”. She tells me the same thing that my other manger told me. By this time I was angry. I asked her if I can still work that night. She told me to go home and it wasn’t her fault. So I lost hours and I didn’t work for 5 days prior to Saturday. What made me even more frustrated was that I found out that she was lying to every single person there saying that she “notified” me. No. You didn’t. If you did, I would have arrived, ready to work at 11am and I would have never came in at 4pm then saying it was my fault. What in the world?! You’re a GENERAL MANAGER!! Thank God that I drove my boyfriend’s truck that day. If he would have taken me or my parents taken me then I would have to call them up when they were almost home to pick me back. They would have been irritated. What if I took the bus? It would have taken me almost 2 hours to get home and what if it was the last bus of the day? I would have been screwed. I’m done. Absolutely done. What little respect that I had for you is gone.
I’m going to be a little late on Christmas gifts with everyone. My mom’s birthday is this Friday, November 29th, and I’m going to be a little late on her gift by at least a week. I have to make a list of what I want to give everyone. I was going to do it on here, but someone might see it, so I have to keep it hush hush :p I’m always excited to give people gifts, but nervous at the same time. I always have little panic attacks that I might not get them everything I want to give them. Silly, I know. I know it doesn’t have to be big or anything, but I want to let them know that they’re special and they mean so much to me. I’ll figure out something (:
I am truly blessed to have a wonderful boyfriend like James. He is too sweet and genuine for his own good. I don’t ever want to give him up. He tells me that he’s grateful to have me as a girlfriend, but I really think it’s the other way around. We get irritated with each other sometimes, and that’s a given, but we don’t go to sleep mad at each other. I love him. I really, love him. I wouldn’t trade him for the world <3
I feel shitty about myself. I can’t find another or a second job. I feel like a disappointment to everyone. I try, but it’s difficult. I can’t get jobs on the spot like my friends do. They can get jobs left and right and then they just quit and gets another one with no problem. I mean, at least I have a job, right? Not everyone has one, but I just feel so shitty. I know I need more hours. I know that I need something better. I just don’t need to get reminded all the time. It makes me feel less. It makes me feel like I can never make someone happy. I feel like people even look down on me because of where I work. I’m not making enough like them. That makes me feel awful.