One of my best friends, Bri, called me last night, but I was tired, so I didn’t answer and went to sleep. This morning, I texted her saying that I went to bed. She told me that her and her boyfriend went to their friend’s house and was tripping then it became a live party that cops were called. Last night, I hung out with my friends, Rachel and Chelsea, and we went shopping for Valentine’s Day, out to eat and went to a pool hall and played pool and drank a little. It was the most fun I had, without my boyfriend, in a while! Hearing Bri talked me about last night made me glad that I am so happy that I dropped all of them, excluding Bri. Everyone else that was there I used to be friends with. I stopped hanging out with them, because of all the drugs that they do and they get too out of control. Last night was an example. I’m happier where I’m at now. I’m growing up. They still want to stay in their high school behavior. Yeah, I don’t want all these responsibilities and I want to have fun, as well, but if everything you do gets the cops involved, too much drugs, or getting drunk every night, then there’s something wrong. Everyone is different, but a lot of the people that I’ve hung out with still want to party every night. I can’t do it. but let them be them.
I feel like I’ve lost some weight and I feel good! It might just be water weight right now, but I still feel good about myself (*˘︶˘*) my goal for this year to cut back drinking soda, drink more tea, cut back on my sugar intake, and eliminate McDonald’s eventually as a meal. My favorite soda is ginger ale and I’m addicted to it. I would spend so much money on it. Every time I go to the store, I would get 4-6 2 liters of it and it would go fast. When I was done, I would get more. It was terrible. I’ve been drinking tea and purified water with fruit that I cut in it instead. It’s a step in the right direction. When I drink tea, I put an enormous amount of sugar in it, because I love it sweet, but I reduce it, and it taste alright. I’ll get used to it eventually. I haven’t had McDonald’s this year and I’ve been craving it a lot lately. Like soda a couple years ago, I cut it off before and I can do it again! Stay strong, Jenay! ヽ(｀Д´)ﾉ Maybe one day I could get rid of soda and McDonald’s all together, but with James bringing both home a lot, it’ll be hard. Today, I had a moment of weakness and drank two Pepsi and I hate dark soda. I felt guilty. I’ll get there one day. I’m making this my year! ヾ(*´∀｀*)ﾉ
I have left the KFC/Taco Bell that I’ve briefly worked at for a baking job. I no longer dread waking up and trying to find reasons not to go in and work. But now I get excited to work! I’m excited to learn more and become better and faster at what I do. The plus side is that I get paid every Friday and have more days and hours and they don’t talk to me or treat me like I’m stupid.
I moved in with my wonderful boyfriend and enjoying it, excluding the first night, for certain reasons. Things are moving forward with us and became very serious. Being with him makes me want to become a better person just for myself and I’m internally grateful for that.
I’m, for the first time in a while, looking forward to see tomorrow. I’m no longer wanting to harm myself and looking towards the future (with James in it, I hope). It’s like all the negative things I have thought about myself and the suicide thoughts have disappeared, and I’m relieved. But I still have the “if I happen to just die, I’ll be okay with that” mind set. I’ve accepted death a long time ago, and still do. I have overcome what has happened to me, but I will never forget.
I still may not be where I’m suppose to be, but I’m further than where I was.